Working From Home With Your Partner

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.

The world has changed swiftly in a matter of weeks. To flatten the curve and avoid burdening essential services, many of us are working from home. While everyone’s situation is different, we share the undeniable stress of developing new routines overnight with a global pandemic hanging overhead.

Yet, we adapt. We acknowledge uncertainty, embrace new precautions, and brace ourselves for the unpredictable. We soldier on, some of us continuing our work on the frontlines and some of us staying home. Both courses of action connected; both are important.

Those of us suddenly at home may not face the same challenges as front liners, but we face new challenges nonetheless. This includes sharing your new office with your partner. Coexisting in a shared space can be challenging enough and adding work into the mix can cause folks to bump elbows. But it doesn’t have to. As you work out the kinks of this new arrangement and wait patiently for the pandemic to reverse, a few considerations can go a long way.

My partner and I made the transition to full-time remote work together a few years ago. Suddenly, neither of us had offices to go to. As newcomers to a new country, we were together almost 24/7. Adjusting to this change took some time, as well as ample trial and error. Ultimately, we both love working from home. We are by no means experts — we are still coming up with new ways to work better together — but these things have helped us co-work peacefully over the years.

Know your work style, and theirs.

Consideration begins with understanding. It’s taken some years for me to hone in on my work style and manage to describe it in words. Communicating my work style to others has fast-tracked collaborations in various environments including fast-paced film sets.

What is your work style? It’s essentially your work personality. It describes the way you work and can indicate how you fit into a certain work environment or culture. Tools like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator commonly used to determine personality types and work styles. The Myers-Briggs test can pinpoint which one of eight mental process categories you fall under. It can help us decode ourselves and those we interact with, providing a stronger foundation for collaboration.

Understanding your partner on this level is useful for navigating your new ‘work from home’ situation, as well as life in general.

Communicate your wants and needs, gently.

Every couple operates differently but in general, it’s tough to create a solution for an issue that isn’t voiced. For example, I find it easier to be productive in a clean environment. My best mornings unfold when I can get up, make coffee, and get to work without stopping to tidy a messy kitchen. It was only after I expressed this sentiment that it became a regular consideration.

It is also important that this communication flows both ways. I’ve noticed that I’m more vocal about my wants and needs so I have made a point to pry. I’ve also noticed that conversations are more effective when they take place at the right moment (put gently over a nice meal) instead of in the heat of the moment (raging in front of a pile of dishes).

Communicating about schedules and workloads also goes a long way. Ask regularly and listen carefully because shared knowledge of looming deadlines and scheduled calls definitely make for more peaceful co-working.

Seek out individual spaces, if you can.

It can be hard to work while seated directly across from someone. Especially if they’re tapping on their keyboard, breathing too heavily, or clicking their pen. If your space allows, try to create some separation. If you can’t have physical walls between you, create invisible walls. Try facing opposite directions, wearing headphones, or placing a cute cactus on the table between you.

We don’t have a home office but we do have two separate workspaces, a desk by the bedroom window and the dining table. Though small, both spaces have mountain views and bright natural light. We usually work it out so that the person who has to concentrate or jump on a meeting works at the desk by the bedroom window, while the person with the more relaxed workday takes the kitchen-facing dining table. Though a small adjustment, it’s served us both well.

Tune each other out, politely.

There were times when my partner would ignore me and it used to really bother me. I wanted my ideas to be heard by the person I was sharing my time with. I also needed to soundboard my ideas in order to keep the wheels in my creative process turning. But I wasn’t being cognizant of his workflow or thoughts.

Sometimes, I blurt things out and my partner ignores me — but it’s okay. We operate with the understanding that if you’re being ignored, it’s for a valid reason. There are times we each need to be in the zone and they don’t always line up. We started using a little ‘timeout’ hand signal as a polite way of saying, “I’m in the middle of something but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!” After a while, we didn’t really need the hand signal. Headphones became an indicator of needing to zone in. We are also better at reading body language (apparently, I have a concentration face!) and gauging the amount of work on each others’ plates. We sit in the same room without speaking for hours, feeling mutually respected instead of ignored.

Sync lunch or coffee breaks, sometimes.

We found that as we leaned into focusing on our own work, taking the occasional lunch or coffee break together was a nice compliment. We usually take turns preparing meals. We also found that prepping quick and easy lunches was a huge time-saver. We make time each week to enjoy these breaks together when our schedule allows but always leave the option to eat solo or work through lunch on the table.

These breaks offer a nice reprieve from work. They also create opportunities to bounce ideas off each other and share without being disruptive. Keep in mind that it may take some time to find the right balance, or that the balance can shift. Everyone has busy days and quiet days, sunny days and off days. In any case, these breaks may help.

Run errands alone, phone a friend.

Since we work and live together, we’ve found it extremely beneficial to run errands alone. It creates some breathing room. It’s a good time to call friends, siblings, and parents without disrupting my partner’s workday. If I have the spare time to get an errand done while they work, it also creates more shared leisure time. This may be something that unfolds naturally anyway, especially in alignment with social distancing recommendations to designate one family shopper, but it is certainly worth trying.

Moonwalk across the room, be yourself.

I’m not a perfect human and I do still distract my partner sometimes. He does the same to me. It’s really difficult not to when you live and work within a 500 square-foot home. For us, it’s so important to keep things light and humorous. I might moonwalk to the kitchen. I might not wear pants. I might play an awful rendition of a Third Eye Blind deep cut on the acoustic guitar. A little silliness can bring sunshine to a monotonous workday. Similarly, a little dose of you being you can remind your partner they’re on lockdown with their favourite human.

Embrace your new work buddy.

Sharing a home office with your partner may be unexpected, but it can be a wonderful thing. If you adopt practices for working productively from home and come together to make the process advantageous, it can lead to more quality time and collaboration. It can also foster a deeper understanding and respect for your partner and their dedicated career.

So embrace your new “co-worker”. Literally embrace them. Make each other coffee, leave cute notes, or live out your wildest “copy room” fantasies. Support, comfort, and challenge each other, and make the most of this new thing. We got this.